February 2025
For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years and, in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards - only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis and divorce.
My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading towards it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success, is for you.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.
This month’s quote theme is: Resisting Change.
Many middle-aged men grapple with a stubborn resistance to change, even when they acknowledge its potential benefits. This reluctance is rooted in a deep-seated comfort with established routines and a profound fear of the unknown. After years of constructing identities around specific habits and beliefs, the idea of change can feel threatening, as it challenges their sense of self.
Societal expectations further complicate this struggle, dictating that men should embody strength and control. As a result, vulnerability—often associated with embracing change—can be perceived as a weakness. This internal conflict highlights a crucial truth: we frequently stand in our way, hindered by habits that do not serve our authentic selves. As James Clear states in Atomic Habits, our identity shapes our actions, making it vital to understand who we are and what we truly desire.
When clarity about our values and aspirations is lacking, we often conform to others' expectations, leading to a life that feels inauthentic and unfulfilling. By cultivating self-awareness and envisioning the life we genuinely want, we can dismantle the barriers preventing us from living authentically. Ultimately, the journey toward personal growth and fulfilment begins with knowing ourselves and committing to habits that align with our truth.
Consider the quotes below to understand your levels of resisting change:
Following on from the theme above, give yourself a gift; sit down, take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.
This month’s prompt theme is: Living Frantically and Loneliness.
In our fast-paced, modern world, the strain of daily life can lead to feelings of isolation, inadequacy and chronic stress; often manifesting itself as withdrawal and/or a sense of separation from those we love, or our friends.
This reality is particularly evident among men who are navigating a shift in real-time, from an outdated blueprint of masculine success, one focussed on provision, to a much more inclusive and nuanced ideal. Too many men often in vain try to live up to relentless expectations, pressures and responsibilities; thus, they optimise their lives for productivity and find themselves trapped in a cycle where life becomes a checklist to be completed rather than a meaningful journey to be experienced.
As this work-life conflict intensifies, and the lines between personal and professional life continue to blur, many feel a sense of diminished connection in their lives. Becoming apparent, through client conversations is an interesting realisation. Often, most men only realise how frantically they’ve been living when they're forced to slow down… For me, this highlights our need for greater self-awareness (through coaching, journalling and even checking in with ourselves).
The bottom line is that when tasks take precedence over relationships, and we treat life like a game of whack-a-mole, the quality of our interactions deteriorates and contributes to a collective feeling of loneliness.
Take a moment to consider the pace of your life by answering, or reflecting on the prompts below:
- If I were honest with myself, I would describe the cadence, or rhythm of my life as being…
- If I were to live a slower, more deliberate life, I know I’d benefit in the following ways…
- If I don’t choose to be less busy, the longer-term costs of continuing to live life this way will be…
This month’s recommendation is: High Performance.
In this episode, Olympian swimmer, Adam Peaty returns for a frankly raw and honest conversation about his extraordinary journey, sharing moments of triumph, vulnerability, resilience, and the hard-earned wisdom he’s gained along the way. Adam speaks openly with Jake and Damian about the challenges he faced in the run-up to the Paris Olympics, uncovering the mental and emotional struggles that followed.
He recounts the moment he acknowledged his struggles, the steps he took to rebuild himself, and how he coped with feeling broken.
Whilst this episode explores the mindset of a champion, the reality of defeat, and what it truly means to rise again, Adam’s journey of adversity and reinvention follows a similar trajectory to that of many of the men I coach.
Whilst this episode explores the mindset of a champion, the reality of defeat, and what it truly means to rise again, Adam’s journey of adversity and reinvention follows a similar trajectory to that of many of the men I coach.
Listen to him as a man, not an Olympian, and you’ll be rewarded.
This month’s recommendation for any man looking to improve their lives by unlocking their mind, it’s: Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.
In Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself, renowned author, speaker and researcher, Dr. Joe Dispenza combines the fields of quantum physics, neuroscience, brain chemistry, biology, and genetics in an accessible way to show you what is truly possible once you’re able to harness the power of the mind.
Whilst this isn’t a book you skim over; you’ll be rewarded for your investment of attention. You’ll be equipped with the necessary knowledge to change limiting aspects of yourself while also being taught the step-by-step tools to apply what you learn. This recommendation is especially useful for any man, who, like in the Quotes sections above, recognises he resists change. I suspect those who read it will find it a powerful blend of leading-edge science and real-life application – personally, I’ve read it twice, it’s that good.
To whom it may concern... Just because you’re not overtly failing doesn’t mean you’re succeeding.
Many professionally successful, yet time-poor men, live sub-optimal, work-orientated lives. They know it, they feel it, but often don’t own it.
Instead. They continue to bury themselves in work; grinding out their days despondently, tired and stressed.
Despite telling their employees, or colleagues, that family comes first, theirs does not.
Don’t risk one day waking up one day realising you’ve spent years chasing the wrong rewards.
Don’t be that guy! Don’t let the pursuit of success blind you to what truly matters.
Own your life, fully, or face the consequence of regret. FYI. If you're not sure who I am, or what I do, simply read my LI recommendations.
This month’s TED Talk is: How to Practice Emotional First Aid.
We spend more time taking care of our teeth than we do our minds! These words, from psychologist Guy Winch, stopped me in my tracks – because it’s shockingly true. Intelligently, he argues that we'll go to the doctor when we feel flu-ish or are expressing a nagging pain; so why don’t we see a health professional when we feel emotional pain: guilt, loss, loneliness?
Too many of us deal with common psychological health issues on our own, but we don’t have to. He makes a compelling case to practice emotional hygiene by taking care of our emotions and our minds, with the same diligence we take care of our bodies.
Our first walk of the year was both nourishing and connecting. With 26 men covering 8.5 miles, it meant we had around 4 hours of quality conversation and connection.
Our walk topic, there’s one at every Men & Mountains meet was:
What advice would your future self give to this version of you…?
Collectively, our answers centred around being more patient, less judgmental, deliberate, connected, and present, bringing more fun into our lives, letting ourselves be happier, or better managing the pressures we place on ourselves.
Before you scroll on, how would you answer this same question…?
Our January was also significant as it marks the start of our charitable partnership with bigmoose. The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody but through our partnership, the money we raise will be used exclusively to support men so here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.
We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.
If you want to walk December’s route, it can be Accessed Here
Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our December’s walk:
Click Here
For many, 2024 is already a distant memory…
But, when you look ahead, at your trajectory for 2025, is it clear, meaningful and positive; will your year be one of purposefulness and objective success?
If you can’t answer the questions above with a robust YES, you should consider my Consultation service. It’s a small investment, £300, that yields a significant return; in one 90-minute session, you’ll analyse your life, identify what is and isn’t working for you, and craft a plan to ensure 2025 matters!
