April 2025
For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years, and in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards—only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis, and divorce.
My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions, about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading toward it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success is for you.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.
This month’s quote theme is: Middle-Age Marriage Crisis, Spot the Warning Signs
Separation and divorce are a fact of modern life. In the UK, it’s estimated that 42% of marriages end in divorce, and while overall divorce rates have declined since the 1990s, divorces among individuals over 50 have doubled - a phenomenon often referred to as ‘grey divorce.’
Before you think this isn’t relevant to you and scroll past, pause for a minute. Whether you’re in your 50s now or it’s just around the corner, you don’t need to make the same mistakes as older generations to learn from their experiences - I’d encourage you to read on.
Several key factors contribute to this trend. Firstly, as life expectancy increases, individuals may reassess their long-term happiness, leading to separations in later life. Secondly, higher levels of financial independence, particularly among women, have made it more feasible for individuals to leave unsatisfying marriages. Finally, societal attitudes toward divorce have evolved, reducing the stigma associated with ending a marriage.
Statistically speaking, the most common reasons cited for divorces include lack of intimacy (47%), communication problems (44%), and absence of sympathy, respect, or trust (34%). These issues can become more pronounced in middle age as couples face challenges such as empty nesting and the emergence of differing life goals.
As the word relation(ship) suggests, like a ship, if you see the rocks ahead, you can still change course. With the right adjustments, whether through communication, counselling, or renewed commitment, many couples, my wife and I included, can steer their relationship back on track, avoiding both the emotional and financial strain of divorce. That said, for some couples, divorce is the best path forward and can lead to healthier, happier, and more fulfilling futures.
Consider and reflect, using the quotes above, on your state of your relationship, your marriage.
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Sit down, to take a minute, to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.
This month’s prompt theme is: The Hidden Cost of Comfort: Why Middle-Aged Men Need Challenge
Constant comfort is a radically new experience for human beings. As a species, we’re around 200,000 - 300,000 years old, yet in the last 100 years, we’ve engineered a world that maximises ease and convenience. Food delivery is at our fingertips, entertainment is on demand, and minimal physical effort is required for almost everything. But the trade-off (?), is that we’re moving less, engaging less, and in many ways, struggling more.
Health-span (how long we stay healthy and functional) hasn’t kept pace with lifespan. More people are living longer but dealing with chronic diseases, mental health struggles, and a sense of disconnection.
The ‘diseases of despair’, depression, anxiety, and addiction aren’t just medical issues; they’re signals that something is off in how we’re living - and I think we sense it. In a recent YouGov survey, only 6% of respondents believe the world is improving - CRAZY!
Carl Jung believed that men need a degree of difficulty in their lives; he said difficult is necessary for health, personal growth and self-actualisation, and I agree. Perhaps it’s time to kick off the blanket of complacent convenience, to stop making excuses, and instead, re-engage in your life in more deliberate and physically challenging ways.
Take a moment, by reflecting on the prompts below, to consider the need to challenge yourself, after all, your health, happiness, and sense of purpose potentially depend on it:
- If you were to be candidly honest, how do you feel about your body…
- In what ways would your life improve if you lived with better health…
- What’s a small goal or challenge, you could set yourself that would improve the quality of your life…
This month’s recommendation is: Feel Better, Live More.
James Hollis, psycho-analyst and author, is the very definition of the phrase ‘wise-elder’ at 85, and with decades invested in Jungian psychology, he is a wise, wise man. In this conversation, James explains the important differences between purpose and meaning, and shares how his midlife depression, at the age of 35, was a pivotal moment that caused him to confront the harsh reality that despite doing all the right things, he wasn't living true to himself.
With careful guidance from Dr Rangan Chatterjee, this episode explores James thought-provoking ‘second half of life’ concept - not a chronological age, but a psychological shift, one when we start questioning who it is that we really are, what we want to be in service of, and what we want to sue our finite time for. Also discussed is why so many of us end up living our lives by other people's rules - trying to please family, fit cultural norms, or climb career ladders. James explains that, whilst this approach might help us get by at first, it often leads to burnout, depression, and, ill health.
Skip the first 4 minutes of adverts – if you wish; enjoy!
This month’s recommendation for any man looking to improve their lives by unlocking their mind, it’s: The Mountain Is You.
For centuries, the mountain has been used as a metaphor for the big life challenges we face. For many of us, before we climb our mountains, we must do the deep internal work of understanding ourselves, whilst simultaneously, building higher levels of resilience, and adjusting intentionally, how we show up in readiness for the climb ahead.
In the end, like the metaphor, it is not the mountain we master but ourselves, and that’s why this is a book about self-sabotage, specifically why we do it, when we do it, and how to stop doing it for good. Self-sabotaging behaviours plague many of us, and this is the best book I’ve read about this subject.
It’s a must-read for anyone aspiring to achieve something meaningful in life but finds themselves hindered by their own limiting beliefs or in a cycle of self-sabotage. If you read it, you’ll find it an accessible guide filled with insights, wisdom, and empowering strategies to break free from the chains of self-sabotage.
Lots of men are fathers, but not enough are dads.
Too many professionally successful men are unknowingly missing out on the one job that truly matters - being present for their kids. They leave early and work late, they take the meetings and chase promotions.
They provide, but are they there?
Parenting isn’t what it was a generation ago; simply being the breadwinner isn’t enough anymore.
Kids don’t just need a provider - and this isn't just needing a physical presence. This is about an engaged and emotional presence. They need a dad who shows up and who listens; a dad who knows them.
Here’s the truth: an absent dad isn’t just the one who isn't around. He’s also the one who’s physically present but emotionally absent. And the impact of that absence? It cuts deeper than many fathers realise - until it’s too late.
So, how do you know if you’re an absent dad? If this question even crosses your mind, you probably already have your answer.
But if you’re still unsure, ask yourself these three simple questions:
- What’s your child’s shoe size?
- Can you name at least three of their best friends?
- Can you share one fear and one dream they have?
If you hesitated - this is your signal.
Children only get one childhood, so make sure you don't miss it.
This month’s TED Talk is: How to Speak so That People Want to Listen.
Whether at home, the workplace, or in the community, your ability to talk, share information, capture people’s attention and deliver instructions are critical to one’s experience of life.
So, if you have ever felt like you could amplify your impact or be a more influential communicator, here’s sound expert, Julian Treasure, to help you increase your speaking prowess.
In less than 10 minutes, Julian demonstrates, through his 7 Deadly Sins of Speaking and using his HAIL technique, simple vocal shifts and tips on how to speak in more engaging ways. It’s a great TED – and the fact that it’s been viewed 44M times, I hope encourages you to watch and learn from it.
March’s Men & Mountains was a cracker; a real physical challenge, experienced in near-perfect weather conditions.
30 men formed up to take on a punchy 8-mile route. After steep climbs and descents, we finally arrive at our lunch spot, Llyn Cwm Llwch – a few brave souls took the chance to take a dip. After lunch, we meandered down the valley before crossing a stream and taking on our final climb of the day; at the top, not only was there a tangible sense of satisfaction, but there was also fantastic views out across the Black Mountains and into Mid Wales.
At Men & Mountains, we walk to talk, connect and to invest in ourselves, and the community we’re a part of. At the start of every walk, I introduce a question for our members to discuss; this month’s was a two parter.
Firstly, other than money, what makes a man’s life rich? Secondly, what, or who, is the most valuable thing in your life?
I was a part of and heard some great, honest, and authentic sharing. So much so, I invite you, whoever you are reading this, to consider the same questions.
A shout-out! This year, our charitable partnership is with bigmoose. The wait time for mental health support in Wales is a painfully slow 36 weeks, but when somebody refers for therapy through bigmoose, they are replied to within 24 hours and seen by a therapist within a week. Bigmoose's goal is to make therapy accessible to everybody but through our partnership, the money we raise, we’re already over £800, will be used exclusively to support men, so here’s to another year of using our strength in the service of others.
We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.
If you want to walk March’s route, it can be Accessed Here
Additionally, here’s a 60-second clip, filmed by Alun Leach, that perfectly captures the essence of our walks: Click Here
I write succinctly and thoughtfully about a range of topics and issues relating to men, masculinity and success. I use the platform to advocate for a better masculinity, one our sons and daughters, tomorrow’s men and women, will benefit from.
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