January 2025
For many men, we fall into traps of our own making. We spend years and, in some cases, decades, pursuing the wrong rewards - only to experience the side effects of success: time poverty, loneliness, poor health, midlife crisis and divorce.
My monthly Bulletin is for men asking bigger questions about themselves and their lives. If you’ve arrived at a place, or feeling you’re heading towards it, where the pursuits of your younger years no longer feel meaningful or satisfying, my monthly Bulletin, which includes a range of resources relating to all things men, mindset and success, is for you.
Don’t just read the quotes. Instead, take a moment to consider them and hold them up against your life.
This month’s quote theme is: Self enquiry.
The quality of your life depends on the quality of the questions you ask yourself. This insight, famously shared by Tony Robbins, underscores the transformative power of self-enquiry. Yet, despite its potential, many men rarely pause to ask probing questions about their values, goals, or the direction of their lives. Instead, they remain in the passenger seat of their lives, drifting through routines and obligations without a clear sense of control.
Self-questioning is a vital tool for regaining personal agency and taking back the wheel. By asking thoughtful and probing questions. ‘What truly matters to me? What am I avoiding? Where do I want to grow?’ Men can uncover hidden motivations, challenge limiting beliefs, and set a course for meaningful change. Prominent business leaders often attribute their success to the power of questioning. It fuels innovation, fosters self-awareness, and helps identify the gaps between where you are and where you want to be.
I’ve witnessed, first-hand, with hundreds of men how the benefits of this practice extend far beyond decision-making; self-questioning cultivates clarity, courage, and a stronger sense of purpose. It pushes men to move beyond complacency, confront their fears, and lead their lives with intention. When you consistently ask the right questions, you take control—transforming life from something that happens to you into something you actively curate. Take a moment to consider the quotes below:
Following on from the theme above, give yourself a gift; sit down, take a minute to read, reflect or journal on the prompts presented below.
This month’s prompt theme is: Masculinity at a crossroads.
Underpinned by the pressures of self and societal expectations, parental responsibilities, the echo chamber of social media platforms, and the omnipresent demands of work, modern masculinity is adrift.
As men age, particularly during the sandwich generation period, many struggle between supporting young children and ageing parents. In this phase, the temptation to retreat into smaller, friction-free lives—marked by routine and predictability—can feel like the only viable option. But this is a mistake. Smaller lives, though seemingly safe, quickly lead to stagnation, robbing men of the growth, ambition, and purpose that define a fulfilling life.
Too often, modern men suppress their dreams, convincing themselves that self-sacrifice is synonymous with responsibility. They martyr themselves for their families or bury their struggles in overwork, masking deeper feelings of inadequacy or fear. While these choices may feel noble or practical, they come at the cost of personal fulfilment and a clear sense of identity.
To break free from this inertia, men must shake off the shackles of materialistic societal success and redefine their own definition of life success. Healthy, fit for purpose, masculinity requires the courage to confront life’s challenges, with a balance of strength and sensitives, head-on. Discerning what truly matters and leading with authenticity and purpose can enable men to choose growth and courage, over comfort and conformity. Consider the prompts below:
- A goal or ambition I denied myself is…
- A story I use, or tell myself, to justify my inaction is…
- An area of concern I’ve avoided dealing with is… and I’ve been avoiding it because…
This month’s recommendation is: The Rich Roll Podcast.
Ancient stoic philosophy has experienced a renaissance of late; many are turning to it as it seems to offer practical wisdom that can help us navigate the nuances of our modern and complex world. In this edition of The Rich Roll Podcast, Ryan Holiday, a favourite thinker of mine, New York Times bestselling author and modern stoic philosopher shares insights from his latest book, ‘Right Thing, Right Now.’ Rich and Ryan discuss the stoic virtues, their contemporary applications, and examine the role of individual choice in societal change, finding purpose through service and right action, and many other topics.
Ryan is an abundance of practical wisdom; this conversation is a masterclass in applied philosophy. Enjoy!
This month’s recommendation is for the dads out there, it’s: Hunt, Gather, Parent.
Reflecting back on last year, a constant challenge for me was parenting, and how to show up for my children, aged 8 and 5. Whilst I’ve concluded parenting is an unsolvable puzzle, Hunt, Gather, Parent proved to be an insightful and practical lifeline. When author, Dr Michaeleen Doucleff became a mother, she examined the studies behind modern parenting guidance and found that the evidence was frustratingly limited, and the conclusions often ineffective.
She began to wonder if an opposite approach was needed – one founded on traditional wisdom, like the knowledge and experience passed down over hundreds, even thousands, of years within ancient cultures. With her young daughter in tow, she travelled across the world to observe and practice parenting strategies alongside families in Mexico, Africa and the Arctic Circle. Dr Doucleff soon learned that these cultures don't have the same problems with children that Western parents do.
Most strikingly, parents build a relationship with young children that is vastly different from the one many Western parents develop, built on cooperation instead of control; trust instead of fear; and personalised needs instead of standardised development milestones. Packed with practical takeaways, Hunt, Gather, Parent helps us rethink the ways we relate to our children and reveals a universal parenting paradigm adapted for modern families.
I’m currently and consciously choosing to abstain from social media and content ‘production.’ At some future point, I’ll re-engage, until then, and for the benefit of my Bulletin, I’ll share other people’s content that advocates for men and the principles of BetterMen.
This month’s post comes from TheTinMen whose purpose is widening perspectives around men.
“Men would rather (insert activity) than go to therapy”, is a meme that pokes fun at the unique hobbies men love.
Many laugh at these men.
Asking why they meticulously restore trains, go fishing, enact historic battles, sing sea shanties, trudge up mountains, or dive into frozen lakes...
But have these cynics not stopped to ask if, to these men, that is therapy?
Is hiking a mountain therapy?
Is building a trebuchet therapy?
Is going to the gym therapy?
Is enacting the Battle of Agincourt therapy?
I think it is.
Considering our male suicide epidemic, it’s sad to see so many of the idiosyncratic outlets many men use, mocked, derided, or seen as an ‘excuse’ for the very thing these activities already are.
So why are we holding onto antiquated, clinical and largely female-centric models of ‘therapy’, and mocking men who choose a different route, for their own needs? And who gets to gatekeep what qualifies as ‘therapy’?
If anything, these men dressed in suits of armour swinging swords in the rain, climbing Kilimanjaro with their mates, singing Wellerman, or plunging into ice-cold lakes, are the innovators of novel therapeutic models, who we should not smugly insult, but learn from, and admire.
So, to these men – who bravely pursue such hobbies, and who gain tremendous mental health benefits as a result – I salute you as pioneers, ahead of your time, and I will happily join your next great battle.
Thank you for showing us the way.
So, what is therapy to you?
Credit: thetinmen.
This month’s TED Talk is: Sleep Is Your Superpower.
Many of us neglect our sleep, and instead of optimising for it, we mistakenly let life factors diminish its restorative benefits.
Sleep is your life-support system and Mother Nature's best effort yet at immortality, says sleep scientist Matt Walker. In this deep dive into the science of slumber, Walker shares the wonderfully good things that happen when you get to sleep and the alarmingly bad things that happen when you don't, for both your brain and body. Learn more about sleep's impact on your learning, memory, immune system and even your genetic code, as well as some helpful tips for getting some shuteye.
For all the right reasons, our final walk of 2024 was one to remember!
Before Christmas, in wintry conditions, a group of 20 strong-backed and open-hearted men gathered to take on a challenging 8.5-mile route. We walked and talked, then headed to a rural pub for our annual Festive Gathering.
Our route saw us cross streams, climb mountains, navigate boggy ground and be buffeted by high winds but throughout the walk, conversation, connection and morale were high. The topic of conversation for attendees was to consider, share and discuss the ‘headline’ summary of their year; it led to meaningful and sincere conversation.
At our lunch stop, luckily, we found a place of relative shelter, we played festive music, think Wham’s Last Christmas, shared mince pies and warmed ourselves with hot mulled wine. Back at the highly recommended Red Cow Inn, Pontsticill, over food and a pint, we continued to connect and plan our adventures for 2025.
We’re more than a walking group, we’re a community of good men; join us for connection, kinship, adventure and honesty.
If you want to walk December’s route, it can be Accessed Here
Additionally, here’s a collection of images from our December’s walk:
Click Here
Life’s a team sport; if you’re starting the new year feeling tired, disconnected, in a rut, or from a deficit, don’t try to navigate your challenges alone.
Quickly, in less than 2 minutes, find out if you’d benefit from coaching by completing my Do I Need a Coach? Self-Assessment Tool.
It will give you an accurate temperature check of where you’re at, and what areas of life require your attention. Upon completion, you’ll receive a PDF report detailing your unique assessment score along with specific recommendations designed to enable you to progress – personally and professionally.
